In any relationship, communication is one of the most important aspects of conflict resolution. But for communication to be effective, emotional intelligence is key. Starting a conversation in a calm way is a critical first step on the path to effective communication. Whether you are seeking to connect with a colleague, a family member, a romantic partner, or a friend, you can improve all of your communications in life by practicing your ability to launch a calm conversation. These tips can help you start conversations in a calm way, so you can accomplish your communication goals.

How to start conversations in a calm way:

Ease anxiety by preparing for conversations ahead of time.

Do you have social anxiety and find that starting conversations can be challenging? Are you an introverted person who tends to “recharge your batteries” alone and typically finds time spent with others to be emotionally draining? Then you may benefit from preparing in advance for conversations. First review in your mind what you want to talk about, and then try practicing with a friend. You might be surprised how much this will ease your anxiety when you start the conversation you’ve planned, allowing you to experience and engage in calmer and more productive communications.


Use nonverbal communication, i.e. body language, to express your calm intentions.

The way you hold your body and your face can affect your conversations, especially at the front end. Ways to start a conversation in a calm way using nonverbal communication can include making consistent eye contact, smiling in a genuine and natural manner, and holding your body in a relaxed, open position with your arms down at your sides and your torso facing your conversation partner.

Stay positive and engaged.

Especially when you are beginning a talk with someone, the more you are able to stay positive, the more likely you are to hold a calm conversation. It is natural for other people to respond in a similar tone to that with which they are approached. If you start a conversation with calm and positive emotional undertones, that increases the likelihood that your conversation partner will respond in kind. Whether they are conscious of it or not, it is natural for people to match energies when communicating.

Listen closely to keep your conversation partner engaged, too.

Active listening can enhance any conversation and help keep all parties engaged. By extending this courtesy to your conversation partner and focusing on what they have to say, you can help keep the communications calm and productive.

Keep it simple.

Starting a conversation with a controversial or complicated topic can decrease the likelihood that the conversation will remain calm. Easing into a conversation with less serious icebreakers or general chit-chat topics can help strengthen the bond between you and your conversation partner, which can then allow you to move forward toward deeper topics in a calm way.

For more help with communications issues, call Chenal Family Therapy today!